


expectation vs reality

by canniballistics



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 16:44:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1786159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canniballistics/pseuds/canniballistics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the Winter Soldier is the one who killed Howard and Maria Stark. he's not quite what Tony pictured.</p><p> </p><p>set after The Winter Soldier. companion to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1862763">this</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	expectation vs reality

**Author's Note:**

  * For [varooooom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/varooooom/gifts).



> written for [varooooom](http://varooooom.tumblr.com) in response to a meme on tumblr.

It wasn't something he'd been expecting to see – ever. Hell, if anything, it's been so long now that he'd forgotten he'd even set the alert, and so when JARVIS tells him that there's a new hit on the internet regarding "Howard and Maria Stark", Tony doesn't understand why JARVIS is letting him know. It's only after he frowns, pulls up the report, that he remembers why he'd set it.

Twenty year old Tony hadn't believed his parents' crash to be an accident, despite the evidence and despite the insurance investigators' findings. He'd believed that information would turn up, that he'd solve the mystery of their deaths; it didn't matter that he wasn't on the best of terms with them. It mattered because he wasn't ready to say goodbye. Never wanting to see someone is a damn sight different from wanting them dead.

True to his younger self's predictions, something turned up. And wasn't he lucky that no one walked in while he read it.

When Pepper comes home that day, Tony's workshop is destroyed, a complete mess of parts and tools and debris littering the entirety of the floor. She finds him standing in the middle of it, wearing one of the Mark 2.3's gloves and its repulsor discharge still glowing. He doesn't tell her what happened, and JARVIS has been encrypted so that he can't either. All she knows is that _something_ happened, and it wasn't good. The tantrum was good for blowing off steam, though, and she tries not to ask after that.

Six months later, he's read the reports, every single SHIELD file that was leaked online, even the ones that had nothing to do with his parents or their murderer. He reads everything, digests and processes the information, sorts it into the necessary and unnecessary in his mind. And when Steve Rogers brings him a scruffy, quiet man and asks him to take a look at his metal arm, it only takes him a second to realize who it is. Screw James Buchanan Barnes. This is the Winter Soldier.

This is the guy who killed his parents.

He does good, for the first two weeks. It's mostly an attempt not to upset Steve and ruin what semblance of friendship they've built, but that thread of tension comes back, courses through his body and sets his teeth on edge. (He deliberately ignores the worried glances Pepper and Rhodey keep shooting him.) He does good for those two weeks, but when Steve leaves them alone for the first time, he can't take it anymore.

"So."

It's all he says, and the Winter Soldier looks at him across the desk. He'd refused to let Tony try to disengage his arm to make it easier to examine, and while he can understand that, it means they spend a lot more time than he'd like together. Tony looks up from where he's got a couple of small tools wedged between the plates of his arm to make it easier to inspect the inner workings, pointedly looking anywhere other than his face. The Winter Soldier doesn't say anything, so he takes it as a sign to continue.

"So. Did you really—" No. Start somewhere else. A deep breath. "I read the files. What they did to you." The Soldier looks away from him then, but he keeps going. "You really don't remember anything, do you?"

There's a long, quiet moment, and for a second, Tony isn't sure he heard him. He opens his mouth to repeat the question when he finally responds, his voice gruff from lack of use. "No. Not a lot. Not- properly."

The words don't bother him like they should, too caught up in the questions revolving through his head, and he takes another breath as the tension grows, makes his nerves run wild. "But you do remember some things." There's a hesitant nod, and Tony takes that as a cue to continue. "What about— Okay, what about December in 1991. Anything?" A blank stare is his only response, and Tony can feel himself getting angry. _Pissed off_ is more the word for it. "There was a man and a woman in a car. You don't remember that."

Something passes behind the Soldier's eyes, and Tony can tell that he knows this matters to him. He knows it matters, but can't figure out why, and when he shakes his head, Tony's finished.

He slams his hand down on the desk (the Soldier doesn't flinch at all, but that's not surprising) and shoves himself back, rolling his chair to another table where he can pick up a tablet, tap his fingers quickly to pull up an encrypted photograph. Tony and JARVIS are the only ones who know of its existence, and now the Winter Soldier does too. It's old, sepia-toned. Depicts two smiling parents and a toddler, no older than five or six, with a mechanical device in his hands. He doesn't remember when the picture had been taken, but it was one of the first he'd transferred to digital. Tony fullscreens it on the tablet before shoving the device at him.

"These two people. Howard and Maria Stark." He jabs at his parents as the Soldier stares down at the photo, and once he says their names, some shadow of recognition dawns on the man's face. Tony can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It doesn't matter, though. "You killed them. Staged it to look like an accident. But this? This was all you."

The Soldier winces then; it's only a slight thing, but Tony notices anyway, and he can't help feeling just a little bit vindicated.

(Ignores the sick feeling building up in the pit of his stomach; he's good at doing that.)

"And- from what I hear, you and Dad were pals. Before you turned into Terminator, anyway. Mutual acquaintances, thanks to Cap. You should have heard the crap he went on about. Couldn't talk about Cap without you in the story, too." Tony tries not to let it, but his voice rises as he speaks, getting angrier and angrier as he does. "Yeah, according to him, you guys were on good terms. And _you killed him and his wife_. My parents. We might not have been the most functional, but they were still _my family_. You had no goddamn right to take them away from me!"

The Winter Soldier doesn't respond, head bowed and face obscured by hair as he keeps staring down at the photo. It just serves to piss Tony off more, and he grabs the tablet away from him, can't control himself as he tosses it back onto the other counter. He doesn't care if it breaks. He'll just build a new one.

Rational thought tells him that he shouldn't be so mad, especially after reading those files. The guy was brainwashed into doing whatever he was told. He shouldn't blame him, but he can't help himself, all that same helpless rage he'd felt the night of the accident coming back to him at once. At least this time he has someone to direct it at.

"Really? That's it? You don't have anything to say for yourself?"

"No." This time, he answers without hesitation. "Nothing I say will bring them back."

The words are true, and they hurt more than Tony thinks is possible. He fights the urge to punch him, instead making a fist and grinding his knuckles into the table. Turns his back, takes a deep breath as he tries to figure out what to say.

"I remember him." The Soldier's voice is quiet, and Tony narrows his eyes as he turns to look at him. He's still focused on the table, metal fingers tapping out an unconscious beat. "Not a lot, but some. He smoked cigars. Liked to drink. Treated me'n Steve like equals." A pause. "I liked him." It's only then that the Soldier looks up at him, finally meets his eyes. "I'm sorry."

It feels kind of like the floor falls out from beneath his feet, and Tony is silent as he stares at him. Finally starts to think about the situation, what's going on, and the conclusion he reaches has that sick feeling bubbling up into his throat. He'd expected more, worked himself into a frenzy over an imagined remorseless killer without considering the reality, which happens to be so much worse. Barnes hadn't wanted to kill them. He'd had no choice. He'd just been the tool, the smoking gun that HYDRA had pointed at the car that night.

It isn't fair for him to blame Barnes for what happened, even worse to take it out on him for it.

Tony takes a deep breath, silent as they stare at each other. Trying to figure out what to do, what to say, and it disturbs him that Barnes doesn't seem to want to put up a fight. Admits to the crime, leaving himself open to whatever punishment Tony deigns to inflict, instead of making excuses for his actions. Tony can't help but wonder what it must be like, not to be able to trust his memories, to have to live with the knowledge of what he'd had a hand in doing. And suddenly, all that anger is directed at himself.

He storms to the table, disengages his tools from Bucky's arm. "Up. We're done for today." When Bucky frowns and doesn't move, Tony gestures at the door. "Out. Now. Scoot. I've got— There's something I need to go take care of."

Bucky nods, rising slowly as the metal plates on his arm settle back into place. A pause. "I—

"Get _out_."

His voice is shaking at this point, Bucky just nods, quiet as he leaves. Tony leans against the table, deep breaths as he tries to calm himself. It doesn't work so well, not until he gets an idea, and he locks the door with layers of encrypted passwords so that no one else can get in, shutters the glass walls, blasts some music, and throws himself to work.

It's been two days by the time he finally unlocks the door, sees a plastic-wrapped meal waiting by the door for him. Pepper's handiwork, he knows, but there's something more important to do. He buzzes the intercom, waits for JARVIS to give him confirmation that Steve and Bucky are on their way down before sitting down to eat. When they finally arrive, Steve doesn't seem any the wiser, and Tony has to wonder if Bucky told him what had happened. He points his fork at Bucky, motions to the seat across from him.

"Sit. I— Just, sit down, have a seat. Cap, you can pull up a chair too, if you want."

Bucky frowns, but he does as he's asked, and it's not hard to see that he still expects Tony to be mad. Almost like a kicked dog. Tony would laugh, if it wasn't kind of awful. He finishes chewing his food, washing it down with a swig of soda before reaching back toward his shelves. Feels around blindly for a second, and when he finally finds what he's looking for, he tosses it onto the table.

The metal gleams under the light, shiny and flawless despite the grooves in the top faceplate. Steve's eyes widen as he looks at it before glancing down at Bucky, whose frown has deepened. "What is it?"

"I figure, you've worn that arm for what, sixty, seventy years now, right?" Tony holds up a hand as Bucky starts to draw away from him. "Hear me out. HYDRA fitted you with it years and years ago. And that star," there's a gesture with the fork again, "is kind of their thing. I'm thinking you probably need an upgrade, help you kind of. Reclaim it, if that's the word. Something a little more... home-y." He finally sets the fork down, taps his fingers against the design on the new plate. "Something like this. Go ahead, check it out."

Bucky picks up the metal plate when Tony nudges it toward him, runs his right hand over the slimmed down version of Captain America's shield that's been engraved and painted into it. He only frowns harder. "I don't understand. Why did you do this?"

"Peace offering. Kind of. For last time." Tony ignores the inquisitive look Steve gives him, sitting back in his chair. "Whaddaya think? Want me to install it for you?"

There's a long pause, and Steve leans in to grip Bucky's shoulder. "It's okay, Buck. You don't have to take it if you don't want to."

 _Sure he doesn't. It's not like I spent two days on it or anything._ But Tony doesn't say it, biting back the words and instead drinking some more soda as he waits for the verdict. After what feels like an eternity, Bucky finally nods.

"I'll- Yeah. Okay."

"Great." Tony claps his hands, rubbing them together. "Let's get this show on the road."

It's not going to fix what's already happened. But maybe this is a good step in the right direction.


End file.
